all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
