omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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