wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
