I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
