I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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