The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
this will be a night to untag.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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