last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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