Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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