I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
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I am midnight drunk by noon
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
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Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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