Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
