DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
