And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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