you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
