I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
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Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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