if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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