Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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