I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
