um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
