Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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