I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
