Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
