just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
