someone owes me an orgasm
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
