I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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