A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
