she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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