the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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