Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
