Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
