i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
