That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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