u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on