she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.