i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
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well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
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If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I broke a rule
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.