So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.