About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?