just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.