i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
