She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
