BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
