the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
