Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
