she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
