well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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