the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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