Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
