I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
