U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
