i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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