Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
