You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
