then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
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im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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