Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
