He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
