I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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