Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
