Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
