i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
50% drunk capacity currently
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
