I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize