You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
