what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
