I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
