omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
