I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
