you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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