i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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